Dang, 2010. What a crazy year. And its about to come to an end. I decided to re-amp this little thing…“3 Goals by the End of 2010
My chemistry midterm for Chem 1C is approaching in less than six hours. I’ve finished studying, but I may wake up early before school tomorrow to do a couple more practice problems. After my studies, I’ve been wanting to write a list of goals that I would like to see change within myself by the end of 2010.
1) Change my over-thinkingness. This constant flaw in myself seems to be the most detrimental one and has caused many, many problems, misunderstandings, and stress for not only myself, but for others as well one after another. I would like to see myself stray away from over-thinking too much and be able to catch myself when I am on the verge of over-thinking. My over-thinkingness leads me to doubt and assume the worse possible scenarios, which in the end only lead me into trouble. I want to have more control of how I over-react and how serious I take things. This is the number one aspect I would like to see change within myself by the end of this year. If not change, then at least progression to more control over it.
2) Find a balance between thinking with my heart and my head. For the longest time, I’ve always known that I am the kind of person that wears my heart on my sleeve, making decisions and reacting with my emotions. I’ve always thought that basing my decisions off my emotions was the best thing, because its how I really feel, so if I follow my feelings I’ll have no regrets. I have come to realize that this is not always true, as wearing my heart on my sleeve all the time will get me into trouble. I’ve always believe that the decisions I make from my heart will be in the end logical to my head, but after everything I have gone through, I realize that I need to find a balance in both. Favoring one spectra over the other isn’t healthy, so I need to find a balance in both where my heart and my head can coexist. I want to be able to change in how I view decisions and choices, not as two-dimensional like one side or the other, or black and white, but how I can make decisions and choices with how I feel but at the same time keeping it logical. I want to find a balance in this.
3) Develop inner strength and confidence. This has been a constant flaw in me ever since my early high school years. If I don’t have inner strength to stay strong when times are hard, then I will always falter and never get anything done, not to mention be stuck in the same place and not progress at all. If I don’t have confidence in myself, if I can’t believe in myself even just a little, then how can I expect to believe in others or hope that others will believe in me. I have to believe in myself first, and get my head together. Only then can the people around me believe in me, and I can believe in them. I have to learn to trust myself, and from that I can trust how I am with others and how others can trust me. I’ll be able to understand just a bit more about not only myself, but others around me as well. This is something that I should have worked on a long time ago.
Albert Einstein once said “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow”. The best thing I can do to live my life to the fullest is to learn from what has happened, whether it be good or bad, live for the present, thrive in it so that the moments are unforgettable, and hope for the best to come, no matter how dire things may seem. I have to keep pushing forward, progressing, growing as an individual. I’m far from perfect, but I want to be able to take the steps forward to become the person I want to be. I just have to believe. Starting today, October 19, 2010, is the start of my goals. I will get to where I want to be, and I will succeed. If I falter, I have to brush it off and get back up on my feet and keep moving. And I will always hope for the best, and who knows what will happen, I just have to keep believing. So cheers, to my new reformation.”
I remember when I wrote this. It was like 3:45 am or something, right after I finished studying. Pretty brain dead, haha. I remember this day. I remember wanting to just change everything. I felt like I messed up big time, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I hit rock bottom. But after the longest quarter of my life, I know that I have grown. I know for myself that I have progressed down my road of reformation. And its only going to keep progressing as 2011 begins.
I learned a lot about myself during this time. I know who I want to become. I know what I want to be. I know where I want to be. And I know what’s important to me. This time has been a huge eye opener for me. It made me reflect and look back at the person I was during 2010. There were many things that were good, and as equally there were many things that went wrong. But no matter what has happened, I’m going to use it as fuel for my fire, and keep on pushing forward.
I don’t ever want to feel like I’ve hit rock bottom ever again. No matter what happens, now and whatever comes my way in 2011, I’m going to face it headstrong. I want to keep reforming and becoming a better person, and strive for my dreams and aspirations. Here is my motto for 2011:
“Chin up, chest out, shoulders back, and G.R.I.N.D.”
Nothing’s going to stop me no matter what. And who knows what will happen right? I just have to keep believing, keep hoping, keep praying for the best. So thank you 2010 for a year that has changed my life drastically. And 2011, bring it.
Happy New Years everybody :]